I put serious effort into maintaining this blog about two years ago.  In this amount of time, my readership views have increased by 525%.  I do not know how or why, though I have my suspicions.  I have slept with some of you and you probably feel obligated.  Others of you are friends of someone I have banged or am currently banging.  Still others of you were unfortunate enough to randomly search a particular topic that I decided to spew nonsense about and became drawn into my intoxicating insanity.  Then there is Craig.

I write this blog mostly for Craig.

But, it has come to my attention that my increased readership is unfamiliar with my particular brand of distorted reality.  Questions and concerns have arisen about comments I have made, or how I address people, or whether I can get enough high-potency weed to cover a forty-fifth birthday party.  When I started this blog, I posted a disclaimer… and it seems like a good time to update the disclaimer and answer some of those concerns.  Because I really really do care about how readers see me.  Your opinions are vital to my self-worth and continued existence.  Please love me!

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Original Disclaimer.  Still applies.
  • This blog is mostly humor.
  • This blog is mostly lies and exaggerations.
    • About 90% to be vaguely precise.
    • Even serious topics are about 51% untrue or exaggerated.
    • Okay, that was a lie.  It’s still about 90%
  • Yes, I am really polyamorous.
  • Yes, I am bi-curious.
  • I refer to people by their relationship to me to protect their identities.
    • Yes, I then refer to them by name with the (Hi <blank>!) tag, thereby negating that protection.
    • Because it is funny to me.
    • The only reason one is “Girlfriend” and the other is “girlfriend” is so I can maintain that stupid joke and readers can understand which one I am referring to at which moment.
  • I, my wife, my girlfriend, my girlfriend (see how confusing it is?) have never done the following things:
    • tamed lions
    • been a Thai porn star
    • been a good Christian
    • had an erection for Angela Lansbury
    • spoken Portuguese
  • I actually do care about people in general, and willingly help anyone with anything.
    • This includes helping people move if I am not working.
      • Especially my girlfriends… idiots.
    • I will never be an usher at another wedding though.  That is not being a part of the wedding party, that is being an unpaid employee.  Some honor.
  • I write this blog for me… and my sense of humor.  You do not like it or do not get the jokes, that is not my concern.  Unless you are Craig.
  • Seriously… about 60% of what I write is bullshit.  Do not take it seriously.  Including this disclaimer.

Please keep these things in mind as you read my terrible blog.  And if you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to ask.

END DISCLAIMER

 

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