There are always more questions, and I am always willing to try my best to answer each and every one.  If only there were more people willing to ask deep, probing questions, then my willingness to share answers would not be wasted.  I found a few curious inquisitors:  people who are desperate to understand the intricate mysteries of life itself and dedicated themselves to asking poignant questions of me.  I will work just as hard at answering as they did in asking.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
D.R.

“Wood chucking” is a slang phrase meaning to use a little too much teeth while performing oral sex on a willing partner.

Woodchuck is a colloquial name for a Marmota monax, which we also refer to as a groundhog or whistlepig.

Chuck is a short nickname commonly used for Charles.

Groundhog Day was widely accepted as a holiday in the United States around 1887.

To answer your question more specifically:  Charles, the 87 year old man to whom you are secretly attracted, will take out his dentures and thus not use too much teeth on your sensitive genitalia during oral sex.  But if Charles did keep his dentures in, he would probably do enough wood chucking to keep you happy for 1,887 seconds (equivalent to 31 minutes and 27 seconds)

.timer

What color does a Smurf turn when you choke it?
D.J.

“Choking the Smurf” is a slang phrase meaning to engage in male masturbation.

The Smurfs were first created in 1958, with an original comic called “The Flute with Six Holes.”

The odd little hats that Smurfs wear is called a “phrygian cap,” and is considered to represent freedom and liberty

There are two physiological filters between our eyes and brains which help dictate which colors we actually perceive when looking at something.

To answer your question more specifically:  Purple.  And stop masturbating so much that it turns purple.

smurf grave
Every time you masturbate, a purple Smurf dies

If it is nacho cheese, whose cheese is it?
J.R.

Nachos are named after the inventor, Ignacio “Nacho” Anaya.

The original nachos were simply tortilla chips, cheese, and sliced jalapeño peppers.

Hawaii has ruined nachos the same way Hawaiian pizza ruined pizza – with pineapples.

The first appearance of the word “nachos” in English dates back to 1950.

To answer your question more specifically:  Mine.  Give it back, and add in some seasoned beef and olives.

nachos

Why does Sally sell seashells by the seashore?
R.D.

“Tongue twister” is a slang term for a cunnilingus move designed to fully stimulate a woman’s clitoris.

“Sea shelling” is a slang term for a man ejaculating into a woman’s ear.

“Sally” is a slang term for a strong, independent woman who will stand up to bullies.

“Seashore” is slang term for a woman’s vagina.

To answer your question more specifically:  You are obviously interested in having a lesbian experience.  Good luck with that.

lesbian kiss
Ah, romance

Why do earthworms crawl out to the water running down the parking lot and do they drown?  Do they drown when they are wiggling on the hook as bait? Do they know they are pierced bait?
L.S.

Earthworms come up in the rain so they can move to new locations easily.  Their skin must remain wet in order to allow oxygen to pass through their skin, which is how they breathe.

Earthworms can survive several days submerged in water without dying.

Earthworms have a brain that helps them detect light, vibration, and even some taste.  No evidence of earthworms feeling pain, however.

To answer your question more specifically:  You are much too interested in earthworms.  Are you trying to say something about your current lover’s penis size?

worried-woman-reading-book
Did someone say, “Penis size?”

Why do you have a pregnant woman fetish?
K.S.

Pregnancy fetishism is also called “maiesiophilia,” and is not always about nudity or sexual intercourse.

Breasts begin to enlarge about 6 to 8 weeks into a pregnancy, and typically grow about a cup size or two larger.

“Adult nursing” is actually a common way around the world for a romantic partner to connect with both the mother and child.

The Egyptian goddess Taweret was depicted as bipedal hippopotamus and was responsible for protecting women during childbirth.

 To answer your question more specifically:  I like big breasts and wide butts.  Those are very common in pregnant women.  Plus I like large areolas and nipples.  Plus there is just something about the “magic” of pregnancy that attracts the protector and caregiver in me.  So as far as fetishes go… it is probably my most innocent one.

How do you describe colors to blind people?
C.S.

There are twenty-three possible causes of blindness.

Color perception in humans is based on red, green, and blue receptors… as well as the two filters previously mentioned in the Smurf question and the visual cortex located in the occipital lobe.

It is impossible for a human to perceive something as “reddish-green” or “yellowish-blue.”

Synesthesia is a neurological condition which allows an individual to cross sensory boundaries:  hear color, taste sounds, see vibrations, etc.

To answer your question more specifically:  I do not know any blind people, so I have never had to try to describe colors to one.  If the person lost his eyesight sometime during life, I would try to connect the color to a memory of a similar color he probably had seen.  If the person had been born blind, I would probably try to describe the color using synesthesia.  For example, “The car is the color of the air on a snowy winter morning.”

colors

What is your favorite color?
T.H.

In art therapy, red is considered a color which evokes passion, aggression, and importance.

The most popular color in the world is blue, the least popular color is yellow, and orange has a distinct curve showing people like it less and less as they age.

If your favorite color is grey, psychologists believe you are afraid of commitment.

Scientists are still looking into natural colors of food and the health benefits they provide, but yellow and green fruits and vegetables are believed to help with eyesight… not orange (although carrots do seem to help vision).

To answer your question more specifically:  I like reddish-green, or yellowish-blue.

invisible

How many shits could a dipshit shit if a dipshit could shit shit?
S.W.

“Dipshit” means an inept or contemptible person.

The plain Japanese word for toilet is benjo.  Japanese kids who play tag often send the tagged person to a location outside the game field referred to as benjo as well.

The average amount of shit produced by an American male in his lifetime is 25,200 pounds.  Scientists have not found a woman willing to admit she shits.

“Obscene content” is not protected under the First Amendment.  Something is obscene if it appeals to a person’s sexual instincts, describes or shows the act in a “patently offensive” way, and lacks literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.  Like this blog.

To answer your question more specifically:  I do not know.  I am not a dipshit who thought it would be funny to rewrite a classic tongue twister with an obscenity that a ten-year old already has become tired of.  Why not just ask me, “How many fucks can a fucker fuck…?”  You seem much more qualified to talk about what dipshits are capable of, so I will leave the question in your capable, shitty hands.

bucket toilet.jpg
The perfect toilet for your shitty question

Thanks to all my contributors and I am sure I will do another random question blog in the future.  All questions are welcome, from any poor unfortunate soul who reads this blog.  Leave a comment with your question and I will get to it eventually, I promise.

Credits
Kiss: girl-kiss-love.tumblr.com/post/155060550352/girls-love

Woman with book image: StudioFI/Shutterstock
Ciara pregnancy pic: Dani Brubaker for HarpersBazaar.com
Quote:  azquotes.com

Bucket toilet: wikipedia
All others are taken, created, or modified by me

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