Criss-Cross the Line

The line.  The mythical border between what is acceptable behavior or conversation and what is actually interesting.  We are raised by our parents to not cross the line.  Do not talk about politics, money, or sex at the dinner table.  Do not bring up a woman’s weight.  Do not ask any adult his or her age.  Do not say the word “lesbian” in polite company, even if your grandma pointed out, in a forced whisper, a lesbian to you at the bowling alley.  Suffice it to say, I was always a bitter disappointment to my mother and a shocking tsunami of inappropriate but interesting conversations to my friends with my disregard of the line.

Both major political parties in America are butt-licking morons, my brother-in-law is terrible with his finances, I am curved perfectly to hit a woman’s G-spot in certain positions, her current weight is 323 pounds, how old is Betty White’s boyfriend, and lesbian lesbian lesbian lesbian.

The problem with the line is none of us have the same expectations of what the line should border.  Some people are perfectly content discussing politics around an order of onion rings in rural Oregon.  Some people are willing to engage in a religious discourse about how their son-in-law is going to Hell and that makes them sad.  The only consistent thing about the line is that every person has a line, a topic or group of topics he or she just does not want to discuss.

I will not discuss my wife’s health issues, or my secret gay crush on Jensen Ackles, or the circumstances surrounding my ill-advised and short-lived physical romance with my brother-in-law’s then girlfriend.  I am just kidding, I will talk about anything.  The most recent development with my wife’s health is her newly emerging eczema, I would let Mr. Ackles totally be the top, and I liked playing with her feet but she was playing with my head to manipulate my brother-in-law.

I asked a few people what topics they find most uncomfortable in conversation.  It was eye-opening and depressing.  Sometimes I forget how fortunate my life has been.  Some of the taboo topics given were:

  • Being physically, mentally, or sexually abused as a child
  • Knowing anything about my son/daughter/nephew’s sex life
  • A father’s health issues
  • The death of a son/daughter
  • Drug use
  • Reasons for divorce
  • Bodily functions such as shitting, peeing, or vomiting
  • Donald Trump
  • Body odor
  • Sounds she makes during sex
  • The murder of his spouse
  • The day social services took away her kids

So what do you think my next blog should be about?  I am thinking one of those topics… or two… or all of them.  After all, to paraphrase the wise kid from The Matrix, “There is no line.”



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