How to Write a Blog the Right Way
- Search the Internet’s annoying, gift-making, craft-obsessed Aunt, Pinterest, for blog title ideas.
- Choose a random blog title that other people guarantee will be popular.
- Drink a bottle of tequila after taking half a hit of LSD
- Start Typing
How to Read the Right Way
- Grab your favorite book.
- Turn on some classical Mozart.
- Pour yourself a glass of red wine, or spiced apple cider.
- Get a garbage can and place next to your most comfortable chair.
- Place favorite book into garbage can.
- Set the book on fire.
- Download the book onto your Amazon Kindle.
- Enjoy digital copy of your book by your pseudo-bonfire.
How to Destroy a Relationship the Right Way
- Invite your significant other over for dinner.
- Go get his/her least favorite fast food three hours early.
- Leave food out on counter to get cold and stale.
- Shower and put on his/her favorite scent.
- Five minutes before he/she arrives, pee yourself.
- When he/she arrives, open the door and say, “I’m a little high on Methylenedioxymethamphetamine.”
- Serve him/her the cold fast food straight from the bag.
- Pour ketchup over the entire meal without asking.
- Pull out a Ring Pop and propose marriage by saying, “Would you marry me? I want half your stuff.”
- Wave as he/she runs out of your life.
How to Excite your Female Lover the Right Way
- Wear a sports jersey with no pants.
- Light candles.
- Tease her nipples with a feather.
- Spank her ass with a leather paddle.
- K-Y Jelly + Sprite bottle.
- Drink her apple juice.
- Do not let the general public know that her orgasmic fluids taste like apple juice.
- Slap yourself for just failing #7
- Cuddle after everyone is spent.
- Repeat #3-#9 at least four times in the same night.
How to Speak with an Accent the Right Way
- Travel to the country with the accent you desire.
- Drink the local booze until drunk.
- Enjoy your new accent.
- Drink more if people think your accent is wrong.
How to Enjoy Game of Thrones the Right Way
- Go out and buy a 78 inch big screen television.
- Have tissue and hand lotion on a TV tray.
- Sit in a comfortable recliner.
- Remove pants.
- Pop eyes out with spoon.
- Go to hospital.
- Never try watching that crap again.
How to End a Blog the Right Way
- Wait until LSD really starts to kick in
- Arm wrestle the Linda Carter made of cotton candy which just appeared in your living room.
- Lose because you are staring at her beautiful cleavage.
- Hug yourself because Ms. Carter is inhaling all the heat in the universe.
- Give yourself the best blow job you have ever experienced while Ms. Carter transforms into Gal Gadot
- Come to your senses with the television remote in your mouth and your autographed Linda Carter photo in your hand.
- End your blog.