How to Write a Blog the Right Way

  1. Search the Internet’s annoying, gift-making, craft-obsessed Aunt, Pinterest, for blog title ideas.
  2. Choose a random blog title that other people guarantee will be popular.
  3. Drink a bottle of tequila after taking half a hit of LSD
  4. Start Typing

How to Read the Right Way

  1. Grab your favorite book.
  2. Turn on some classical Mozart.
  3. Pour yourself a glass of red wine, or spiced apple cider.
  4. Get a garbage can and place next to your most comfortable chair.
  5. Place favorite book into garbage can.
  6. Set the book on fire.
  7. Download the book onto your Amazon Kindle.
  8. Enjoy digital copy of your book by your pseudo-bonfire.

How to Destroy a Relationship the Right Way

  1. Invite your significant other over for dinner.
  2. Go get his/her least favorite fast food three hours early.
  3. Leave food out on counter to get cold and stale.
  4. Shower and put on his/her favorite scent.
  5. Five minutes before he/she arrives, pee yourself.
  6. When he/she arrives, open the door and say, “I’m a little high on Methylenedioxymethamphetamine.”
  7. Serve him/her the cold fast food straight from the bag.
  8. Pour ketchup over the entire meal without asking.
  9. Pull out a Ring Pop and propose marriage by saying, “Would you marry me?  I want half your stuff.”
  10. Wave as he/she runs out of your life.

How to Excite your Female Lover the Right Way

  1. Wear a sports jersey with no pants.
  2. Light candles.
  3. Tease her nipples with a feather.
  4. Spank her ass with a leather paddle.
  5. K-Y Jelly + Sprite bottle.
  6. Drink her apple juice.
  7. Do not let the general public know that her orgasmic fluids taste like apple juice.
  8. Slap yourself for just failing #7
  9. Cuddle after everyone is spent.
  10. Repeat #3-#9 at least four times in the same night.

How to Speak with an Accent the Right Way

  1. Travel to the country with the accent you desire.
  2. Drink the local booze until drunk.
  3. Enjoy your new accent.
  4. Drink more if people think your accent is wrong.

How to Enjoy Game of Thrones the Right Way

  1. Go out and buy a 78 inch big screen television.
  2. Have tissue and hand lotion on a TV tray.
  3. Sit in a comfortable recliner.
  4. Remove pants.
  5. Pop eyes out with spoon.
  6. Go to hospital.
  7. Never try watching that crap again.

How to End a Blog the Right Way

  1. Wait until LSD really starts to kick in
  2. Arm wrestle the Linda Carter made of cotton candy which just appeared in your living room.
  3. Lose because you are staring at her beautiful cleavage.
  4. Hug yourself because Ms. Carter is inhaling all the heat in the universe.
  5. Give yourself the best blow job you have ever experienced while Ms. Carter transforms into Gal Gadot
  6. Come to your senses with the television remote in your mouth and your autographed Linda Carter photo in your hand.
  7. End your blog.
Advertisements