Sixty-nine blogs. Almost nine hundred views. Last year was definitely a record setting year for this blog of mine. Records are made to be broken, so I guess it is time to get off my lazy ass and get down to it.
But I do not want to be one of those normal bloggers who talks about how this year I am going to achieve twenty-seven resolutions, or one of those still normal bloggers who writes about how she is perfect and does not need to make any resolutions. The New Years Change-a-thon has gone on quite long enough and I do not want to contribute. But I do still want to do write something that has been overdone so I do not need to strain my brain.
I have it! A Top Ten List! Everyone loves lists, right?
Wait, ten is too boring. What if I make it seventeen? Yea, a list of seventeen things!
But what should I list?
Seventeen top names of pets? Seventeen ways to use a brush? Seventeen recipes for great dog biscuits? Those just do not seem like me.
Seventeen Kama Sutra sex positions to try this next year? Too predictable.
Seventeen men with whom I would be willing to have a gay experience? Too difficult.
Seventeen dirty ways to say I love you? Too personal.
Seventeen days of oral sex? That is just a fantasy, not a list.
Seventeen drinks I need to try? I am not that much of a drunk.
Seventeen ways to tell your brother-in-law to shut the hell up? You only need one.
Seventeen best national landmarks at which to have sex? That is a possibility.
Seventeen ways the NFL could be made better? Too sporty.
Seventeen kitchen utensils useful in a zombie apocalypse? I am sure someone else has already done it.
Seventeen words that sound dirty but are not? Mud-pie and mayo… naw.
Seventeen ways to piss off your spouse without getting a divorce? Challenging, but not useful.
Seventeen crayon colors thought up by stoned people? Crayola would sue me.
Seventeen movies everyone must see at least once? Yawn!
Seventeen ideas of lists that I won’t do? That just seems like a cop-out.
I suppose a list is a bad idea after all. I suppose I should just go with the old standby of making random resolutions:
- Be Merry
- Be Pippin
- Re-read the Lord of the Rings
- Make my wife have at least 52 orgasms
- Make my girlfriend (Hi Cheri!) have 40 orgasms in one weekend
- Survive the thrashing I get from both of them for putting those on the list
- Pet my cat
- Don’t get a dog
- Prove that my chili is superior to my braggart brother-in-law’s chili
- Write another novella
- Look at naked pictures of big beautiful women
- Laugh every time my wife rolls her eyes
- Be a source of happiness for others
- Lick the cream out of an Oreo and put the cookie pieces back
- Be naked… a lot
I think that about covers it. I am sure my blogs will become better as the year goes along. After all, things are bound to happen that will make me rant and rave. Those are always funny blogs. I am sure the world will provide me much fodder for sarcasm and hopelessness. Those blogs are usually interesting. So here’s to the unknown blessings and curses of the coming year!