The Year of Seventeen

Sixty-nine blogs.  Almost nine hundred views.  Last year was definitely a record setting year for this blog of mine.  Records are made to be broken, so I guess it is time to get off my lazy ass and get down to it.

But I do not want to be one of those normal bloggers who talks about how this year I am going to achieve twenty-seven resolutions, or one of those still normal bloggers who writes about how she is perfect and does not need to make any resolutions.  The New Years Change-a-thon has gone on quite long enough and I do not want to contribute.  But I do still want to do write something that has been overdone so I do not need to strain my brain.

I have it!  A Top Ten List!  Everyone loves lists, right?
Wait, ten is too boring.  What if I make it seventeen?  Yea, a list of seventeen things!
But what should I list?
Seventeen top names of pets?  Seventeen ways to use a brush?  Seventeen recipes for great dog biscuits?  Those just do not seem like me.
Seventeen Kama Sutra sex positions to try this next year?  Too predictable.
Seventeen men with whom I would be willing to have a gay experience?  Too difficult.
Seventeen dirty ways to say I love you?  Too personal.
Seventeen days of oral sex?  That is just a fantasy, not a list.
Seventeen drinks I need to try?  I am not that much of a drunk.
Seventeen ways to tell your brother-in-law to shut the hell up?  You only need one.
Seventeen best national landmarks at which to have sex?  That is a possibility.
Seventeen ways the NFL could be made better?  Too sporty.
Seventeen kitchen utensils useful in a zombie apocalypse?  I am sure someone else has already done it.
Seventeen words that sound dirty but are not?  Mud-pie and mayo… naw.
Seventeen ways to piss off your spouse without getting a divorce?  Challenging, but not useful.
Seventeen crayon colors thought up by stoned people?  Crayola would sue me.
Seventeen movies everyone must see at least once?  Yawn!
Seventeen ideas of lists that I won’t do?  That just seems like a cop-out.

I suppose a list is a bad idea after all.  I suppose I should just go with the old standby of making random resolutions:

  1. Eat
  2. Drink
  3. Be Merry
  4. Be Pippin
  5. Re-read the Lord of the Rings
  6. Make my wife have at least 52 orgasms
  7. Make my girlfriend (Hi Cheri!) have 40 orgasms in one weekend
  8. Survive the thrashing I get from both of them for putting those on the list
  9. Pet my cat
  10. Don’t get a dog
  11. Prove that my chili is superior to my braggart brother-in-law’s chili
  12. Write another novella
  13. Look at naked pictures of big beautiful women
  14. Laugh every time my wife rolls her eyes
  15. Be a source of happiness for others
  16. Lick the cream out of an Oreo and put the cookie pieces back
  17. Be naked… a lot

I think that about covers it.  I am sure my blogs will become better as the year goes along.  After all, things are bound to happen that will make me rant and rave.  Those are always funny blogs.  I am sure the world will provide me much fodder for sarcasm and hopelessness.  Those blogs are usually interesting.  So here’s to the unknown blessings and curses of the coming year!


3 thoughts on “The Year of Seventeen

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