There is a ton of time for my mind to wander at my new job.  There is also a lot of time for my mind to go completely blank as hundreds of the same product pass from my hand into a bright yellow bin carried by robots.  Enjoy these short glimpses into how my mind distracts itself from numbing repetitive work:

  1.  Truth.com has a commercial which encourages people to stop smoking because smokers make less money than non-smokers.  It says to “close the wage gap” by eradicating smoking.  But that does not close the wage gap – it simply erases the negatively affected group.  Imagine if someone suggested we close the exaggerated wage gap between men and women by encouraging women to have gender reassignment surgery.  It is an absurd proposition.  How about we just pay people fairly for equivalent work regardless of personal habits?
  2. Speaking of men and women at work together:  I am about two days away from going to human resources and asking why I am consistently given large sized items to store while the women around me consistently have the small items.  I have six items which all require a completely empty eighteen inch heavy bin, while my female neighbors have six boxes of hundreds of  nine inch smartphone cases.  Shocking how the fastest store rates all belong to women during my shifts…
  3. When you order from an online store, you might want to think about where your item came from.  That new Bible might have shared a space with several leather dildo ball gags.  Not that I purposely put such extreme items next to each other.  Although I did once put a Washington football team beanie next to a book about the historic treatment of Native Americans.  I liked that irony.
  4. I personally do not care when you choose to put up a Christmas tree in your house.  You can have one up all year long if you want.  But I do have a problem with people singing or playing Christmas carols already.  There are not that many good holiday songs.  If you start singing them this early, even the good ones will become poisonous clouds of hate-inspiring madness.
  5. I had a company Thanksgiving dinner on Tuesday.  It was odd when they were willing to give me a huge spoon of mashed potatoes and stuffing, but insisted I could only have two mouse sized pieces of turkey.  Had good pumpkin pie though.
  6. Rain makes drivers stupid.
  7. Apparently, parents like to apply the classic “We walked to school uphill both ways through snow” argument even when their children are grown.  My wife called my mom to talk about the holidays, made a comment about how we are trying to adjust to my new nocturnal schedule and working on weekends, and got to hear my mom say, “Well his dad and I spent three years working opposite shifts while living with my mom and raising a toddler son.  I am sure you two can manage.”  Now my wife knows why I make her call my parents.
  8. Speaking of toddlers, I love my two-year old nephew.  Finding him a good Christmas present is the hardest task of the holidays though.  Maybe just a “Get out of Trouble Free” card to hand to his grandma when he is caught jumping on the her furniture.  Why do some adults get in such a snit over a toddler jumping on a couch or bed?  We all did it, and I can count on one hand the number of times it broke the furniture.  Of course, my wife did break her collarbone jumping on a bed… but she has always been a bit klutzy.
  9. If my roommate waits until I am not sleeping during the day to move out, she is not going to move out until January.
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