It is a poorly kept secret that most of Western society sees dating as legalized prostitution put on a payment plan. The man sees a woman to whom he is physically attracted and, instead of simply paying her a few hundred bucks for instant sexual gratification, spends a period of time shelling out dinners, dates, and dumb gifts to build credit. When the individual woman’s inner price has been met, the two get to have sex. Some women are equivalent to Wal-Mart lay-away: fairly easy to pay off and a quick return on your investment. Some women are equivalent to a car loan: a long commitment, but you are going to get some good use out of the vehicle. Other women are equivalent to a mortgage: decades of your life dedicated, with tons of upkeep and constant maintenance overshadowing what little enjoyment you do find. Yet it is always true, no matter how much we try to romanticize the notion of love, whether it is about entertainment or procreation or both, that relationships are founded on sex.
It is also almost always true that the man is the one paying for it, and the woman is the one controlling it. Yes, sometimes a relationship is built around his buying coffee on the first date and her buying the movie tickets on the second date. Yes, sometimes both people involved in the relationship cast aside the mass delusion of animalistic male needs being opposed by chaste female virtues. But if you doubt that the majority of America is caught up in this web of cockamamy bullshitery, simply look at advertising. Advertisers would not use an out-of-date model for heterosexual interactions if the majority found those ideas absurd: it would cut into the bottom line. And if you watch carefully you will see that the old slogan “sex sells” was only partially correct. The idea that “men need sex and women must be convinced to have sex” is what sells.
- Jewelry around the holidays (Give her a diamond, she will give you sex)
- Flowers (Dying plants for the right to plant your dick inside her)
- Lingerie (Make her look sexy, she will feel sexy, so you can have sex)
- Alcohol (Being drunk makes having sex easier)
We know that women can have the urge to rip off a guy’s clothes and ride his dick until her pussy finally says, “Okay, I’ve had enough. Time to close up shop.” We know that men can enjoy snuggling up next to a gal, with his head on her chest or lap, and not be thinking about sex at all. We know this because despite what the masses (pseudo-science, religion, Hollywood, literature) want us to believe, we are all just human. Every human, regardless of gender, has a need to orgasm – to feel the bodily bliss of endorphins coursing through the bloodstream. You can claim it is about procreation, or recreation, or marital obligation. But it is truly as simple as wanting sensation.
It is time to cast off these faulty guidelines. It is time for women to stop being coy about their own sexual desires. There will be a point where you know that this guy will never see your naked ass – and you need to tell him immediately. If you accepted gifts from him before that point, offer to return them. He may insist you keep the trinkets, and you can. But give him the choice of a refund, because that is what it is. You know he wasn’t buying $30 lobster dinners or $20 caricatures for you because he is trying to be your friend. He has friends who have never received more than a couple of slices of pizza for free and would punch him if he suggested a caricature together.
Men, stop buying everything on dates. Being a gentleman is not about spending cash; it is about being polite, attentive, and truthful. Keep the expensive dinners and pricey thoughtful gifts in reserve as a thank you, not a down payment. If you have an expectation of sex by a certain number of dates, tell her up front. If she balks at the number, walk away. You control sex just as much as a woman does. Yes, forcing someone into sex is horribly wrong, but so is forcing someone to wait on sex based on different imaginary “timetables.” So take ownership, men, of that decision. If you choose to wait, then wait. But stop using “gifts” as a means of persuasion. If you do not want to wait, then stop seeing the woman. Let her find someone who fits her needs.
If both genders can do this, we will be a major step closer to true equality for all humankind.
Question or reaction? Please post a comment. If you are bisexual or homosexual and want to illuminate me on any differences (seeing as I can only truly write from the perspective I live) in how relationships work or are perceived, your comments would be welcome too!