Today it is time for a little game I like to call, “Facebook Fact or Facebook Fantasy.”  The rules are simple:  take a meme or picture from your Facebook home page and decide whether it is full of fact or if it is fantasy bull-crap.  Simple and fun for the entire family!

Up first, this happy thought:
afford to die

Facebook Fantasy!  Of course you can afford to die.  How exactly is the funeral home going to charge your decaying carcass or your flitting-around-the-universe soul?  It is not like people can hire a spiritual medium to collect the debt from you.  You are dead.  What this meme should say is, “I can’t even afford to have my (insert family member) die.”  It is not your own death you will have to pay for, it is all the family deaths you will watch happen.  Such happy thoughts to think while wasting time on social media.

Also, I love that the world is not just divided by religious beliefs, imaginary borders, mostly irrelevant gender differences, but also by where people think the dollar sign should go.  I do not really care, but it would be nice if the entire world could maybe just agree on that one little thing in my lifetime.

Are you catching on to the game mechanics?  Try this entry:
antistalking
Facebook Fantasy!  Society does not need a more complicated word for avoiding someone.  We can just say “avoiding.”  This new fake word adds nothing of substance.  Plus, it is misusing the prefix “anti-.”  “Anti-” means against, so literally the word “antistalking” should just mean “against stalking.”  Making up words like “counterstalking” or “contrastalking” would be more grammatically accurate, although would still add absolutely nothing new to our language.  To avoid someone, you have to know where they are.  The word “avoid” already implies learning where someone is.  Stop complicating an already complicated language, dickheads!

Okay, that’s 2 – 0 in favor of Facebook being full of shit.  How about:
evil

Facebook Fact AND Fantasy!  Evil (and Good) is simply our human perception of morality applied to physical manifestations or acts.  Believer in a monotheistic religion?  All you have done is pass the buck, making Evil and Good a deity’s perception of morality applied to physical manifestations or acts.  Certainly there can be philosophical debate on the validity of that viewpoint, but it is a Fact that this particular viewpoint is held by people and is logically consistent within itself.  Actual intellectual stimulation from a Facebook post?  Priceless!

However, Quantum Physics does not study the concepts of Evil or Good.  Therefore, the superfluous addition of “Quantum Physics 108” to the meme also counts as Fantasy.  The closest I can recall quantum physics getting to discussing this concept is the idea that observing an event has an effect on the event.  But I am not well-versed in quantum mechanics and theory, so I am happy to let anyone who is well-versed correct me.  If there is a class in college titled “Quantum Physics 108” which does teach this concept of Evil and Good being merely perceptions of Perfection, I will change the score accordingly.

The score is now 3 – 1.  Can this next meme help the Facebook become more factual?
forgiveness

Facebook Fantasy!  Simply put, the first step towards forgiveness is always realizing that you were born an idiot and therefore should not hold others to a standard you cannot achieve yourself.  I know you think you are the only smart person in the room and that you are surrounded by idiots.  That is what makes you an idiot.  Am I an idiot?  Of course I am.  But since I know this, I’m a smarter idiot than the people who post this meme.

It looks like Facebook is full of unicorn glitter poop this week.  But why not go ahead and check out the last two contenders anyways:
kids today

Facebook Fantasy!  Why do members of my generation, and the older one ahead of me, constantly try to glorify their childhood memories?  Did I build a model car?  Yes I did.  Do my nephews build model cars?  No they do not.  Do my nephews behave any worse than I did as a child?  Nope.  They are kids.  Kids are rude, unfocused, and dumb.  They are supposed to be those things, and the adults around them are supposed to train them to be better.  Is building a plastic model car together somehow intrinsically better than building a virtual home in Minecraft together?  Of course not.  It is about the interaction kids have with adults, and the consistency with which the adults apply expectations.

The real trouble with kids today is the parents/guardians who cannot or will not consistently hold the kids to high standards.  Case in point:  I watched my nephews two weekends ago.  I gave them a list of household cleaning to do:  vacuuming, cleaning toilets, mopping floors, wiping counters, etc.  They completed every task in under an hour, with little griping.  Do the parents or grandparents consistently apply the same level of expectation?  Nope.  They are more reactionary:  “Oh my god, there’s one toy car under my table!  I’m now going to yell about how this house is never clean!  Someone better get in here and do this right now, but not anything else until I notice the next thing!”

The trouble with parents/grandparents these days…

Last entry in this game of Facebook Fact or Fantasy.  Come on, fact.  Come on, fact:
shirt fell

Facebook Fantasy!  Seriously, could someone explain to me how this is funny?  First of all, it is completely unrealistic.  Unless the person fell down while wearing no pants, or socks, or underwear, why did he choose to say his shirt fell?  Is the shirt somehow the funniest article of clothing we wear?  Secondly, we do not make a *BOOM* sound when we fall.  We make a *THUD* sound.  Finally, what kind of uncaring mother does not ask, “Are you okay?” after hearing a loud noise from the direction of her child?  Asking, “What was that?” implies the mom was more concerned with personal property being broken or damaged than in the well-being of her child.  Poor form, Facebook… poor form.

And that’s how you play “Facebook Fact or Facebook Fantasy.”  Today’s final score:
Facebook is Full of Crap: 6
Facebook Tells the Truth: 1

Play along and post your own Facebook Fact or Facebook Fantasy game on whatever social media you prefer.  Comment with a link if you do… I love playing games.

Advertisements