I had a minor stroke of genius, went to the hospital, promptly forgot that idea due to the stroke, and then had a completely different inspiration. So this will be the first installment of what I hope becomes a beloved and long-lasting series titled, “The Beauty of (Blank),” where the blank will be replaced with something that isn’t normally considered beautiful. Ride ’em cowgirls, and here comes the crazy.
Feet. They are perhaps the most widely debated body part. Are they attractive, or ugly? Should they be touched during intimacy, or should they remain covered in socks to avoid any embarrassing callouses from being seen during climax? When is it okay to walk around barefoot: only at a park or at a beach, or anywhere you damn well please?
Was anyone else confused in school by the Greek and Latin root word “ped-“? In Greek, “ped-” means a child. In Latin, “ped-” means foot. So pedestrian means “someone walking on foot,” pedal means, “where you put your foot,” and expeditious means, “quick of foot.” But then a pediatrician is a “doctor of children,” and pedagogy is “the method for teaching children.” It is therefore completely understandable if a co-worker, who shall remain nameless, confused the terms “pedophilia” with “podophilia”… after all, you would have to know that “philia” is the Greek root for “attraction to or love of” and that you never mix Latin and Greek roots.
Except for the word “polyamory.” Stupid non-grammarians naming my lifestyle. So I suppose you could call a foot fetish a “pedamory.” Not sure which sounds better… podophilia… pedamory… podophilia… pedamory… oh fuck it. Foot Fetish! Sounds better when it is alliterative.
I would not say that I’m a foot fetishist. I am foot-curious. I was once intimate with a woman who could have an eardrum shattering orgasm just by having the soles of her feet stroked. I have been known to suck on an occasional toe or two. I do not mind my pale pair scratched a bit. However, feet are not a necessity for my romantic tastes. I have been involved with a gal who was obviously part hobbit. I would not want to put a hairy foot knuckle in my mouth. My wife and girlfriend (Hi Denise and Cheri!) are not beating me over the head to play “This Little Piggy” as part of our foreplay rituals. Not one to proclaim all feet ugly nor one to worship every set as perfection, I simply think feet should get more attention.
I would love to some day be able to walk into a McDonald’s with no shoes on and still be served. I despise wearing shoes, probably because my left foot is a half shoe size smaller than my right foot. Unless I buy two different pairs of shoes, they will never fit me right. And do I look like some rich white douche-bag running for President who could afford wasting money on extra pairs of shoes? No – because my fingers are not tiny Vienna sausages.
People are twice as likely to use hand lotion to keep their palms smooth than to rub their feet with anything. We shove them into socks, and then shoes, and then walk on them all day. We often tap them, stub them, and stick them into doors to avoid being ignored. Yet we can’t be bothered to care for them as much as our beloved hands? It is sad really. Feet are really a beautiful part of our bodies, functional and sensual. Practitioners of reflexology consider feet the key to our general health. Babies spend their first years mesmerized by feet and contemplating their purpose with all the logical capabilities they have (which is mostly sticking them in the mouth to taste them).
So don’t forget about the beauty of your feet. Even if you aren’t a foot-fetishist, or even foot-curious, feet are a gorgeous part of our natural form.
If you would like to share a picture of your beautiful feet, or have an idea for the next installment of this series, please don’t be shy about commenting. I promise I read them. Most of the time. When I’m not painting my toenails orange. Which is rare.