Annual Heart Exam

June 26th – our wedding anniversary.  It is the yearly celebration of the official day my wife and I decided to fuck up each others’ lives for humorous effect.  It is a day for reflection, romance, and really good sex.  It is my fourth favorite special day of the year, after Christmas, Thanksgiving, and 4/20 but right before Arbor Day, National Doughnut Day, and Freedom Day.

It is my yearly reminder of how much my wife was disappointed by her wedding.  It did not live up to what she envisioned as her mother rode rough-shod over everything.  My wife didn’t want a homemade wedding dress with pink flowers all over it, but that’s what she got.  She had to fight with her church over having a medieval themed wedding – the dumbasses thought that a “medieval” theme meant unicorns and fairies and magic.  So my anniversary is also a reminder that organized religions are stupid and confuse the genre of “fantasy” with the reality of “history.”

*cough* Irony *cough*

The church’s ignorance certainly helped us when it came to our vows.  Most of them were the traditional vows most married couples memorized.  Every anniversary is a reminder to go down the checklist and ensure that I am keeping up my end of the bargain:

  • Live together in marriage?  Check…
  • Love her, comfort her, honor her?  Check, check, and in my own weird definition of “honor,” sure.  I mean, I honor her more than I honor myself…
  • For better or for worse?  Check check…
  • For richer or poorer?  Never been, and check…
  • In sickness and in health?  Absolutely check…
  • Forsaking all others, being faithful only to her/him?  Never made this promise and she didn’t either… haha!  Sneaked this omission right past your judgemental, Christian noses Calvary Community Church!  You performed a polyamorous marriage ceremony without figuring it out.  Neener-neener!
  • For as long as you both shall live?  So far, check.

My wife often complains (she’d say she just “points out”) that I do not finish projects.  I get an idea in my head, or start on yard work, and then something comes along to distract me from completing it.  She has a point.  I am easily pulled down other paths.  Sometimes it is the simple emergencies of life that keep popping up to pull my attention away.  One cannot ignore one’s car breaking down, or a family member being in the hospital, or there being no more flour in the cupboard.  Sometimes my attention is diverted by my childish fascination with games and sleep.  I am working on that flaw… but since fixing a flaw is a project, success is certainly not the favored odds.

I had a romantic-ish thought… wait a second… oh yes.  Although I am not known to complete projects, my marriage is one that I am determined to see all the way to the finish line.  Girlfriends come and go (and then come back again, then leave again, and then come back again- Hi Cheri!), as do friends, playmates, and co-workers.  But my wife has been here seventeen years straight, and every day I try to think of something I can do to convince her to stick around.

Seventeen years.  Not bad for a relationship that started off as a purely “Want Sex” hook-up.  She was just getting out of a bad relationship and I was still a virgin (but knew I liked big round asses).  She was kind enough to give me a third chance.  The first time I couldn’t even consistently keep my dick in and we started giggling about it.  The second time… well I was a near-virgin and hadn’t learned all the appropriate ways to make a woman enjoy sex yet, so she faked an orgasm to make me feel good about myself.  But the third time… and fourth… and fifth… et cetera… I have more than made up for those first two bungles.

And every lover I’ve had since should thank my wife for her patience in teaching me those finer points of lovemaking.

Seventeen years.  Not bad for a marriage that started off with a joke proposal.  We had been enjoying our carnal pleasures for about two months, and had just started saying the “L-word” to each other. We were cuddled up on my bed while I was gently massaging her breasts.  I just looked at her from the side and said, “Want to get married after college?”  She laughed and responded, “Sure.  Why not?”  Four months later, as she is picking me up so we can carpool back to school after summer vacation, I introduced her officially to my parents as my fiance’.  She shook her head for a second and asked, “Wait… you were serious about that?”  Engaged for four months and had no clue.

What I’m trying to convey is how important my anniversary is to me.  I cannot speak for all polyamorous people, or even all husbands.  Every relationship is uniquely defined by the people involved in it.  What I can tell those people who sometimes question whether I truly love my wife as much as I “should” is simply this:  Yes, I love Cheri.  Yes, I love Aislinn, and DJ, and Henry, and David.  Yes, I love Ross, Marilyn, Dez (yea yea), Norm, Maggie, Sean, Sarah, and Grant.  Yes, I love Chris, Turner, Elijah, and Hunter.  Yes, I still love those who have left by choice or design, and I may find even more loves in the future.  And none of that love diminishes the love I have for Denise… any more than my love for Denise diminishes theirs.  The love I share with all of them is an interconnected web that supports me and holds me strong through the crap and struggle of life.

But every web had a start… a first anchor.  Not more important than the last, but still recognized as the first.  Thank you, my wife, my Denise, my first anchor, for seventeen years.  It’s been a surreal blessing of epic proportions.

Now if only Cheri and I could figure out an official anniversary date as well…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s