Get on these, Hollywood

Day Eight – Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Joyous Saturnalia, and I hate myself for coming up with this idea!

Independence Day:  Resurgence.  X-Men:  Apocalypse.  Captain America:  Civil War.  Even Batman V. Superman:  Overrated Hyped Fight of Justice.  2016 is full of movie sequels.  Some are pretty high on my “want-to” list.  Others I will ignore until Netflix puts them on free streaming.  But it really got me thinking about the movies that truly need a sequel.  Or better yet, a prequel.

So to help Hollywood along for absolutely no money (except what I’d sue them for if any of these ideas come to fruition), and cap off my Hanukkah series, here is a list of sequels and prequels that need to be made.

(Prequel) The Breakfast Club:  Kindergarten Year – Did you know the quirky bunch of misfits who found out they weren’t defined by their stereotypes actually met thirteen years earlier in kindergarten?   Watch as they get drunk on milk and apple juice, play doctor in the hall closet, deal with the tragedy of being hit to hard during tag, and inform their teacher that they don’t understand what an essay is in the first place.

(Sequel) The One II:  The Doubling – Jet Li’s evil character Yulaw escapes from the prison “Hell” universe to discover that he was never really close to being the “One” because there’s an infinite number of parallel universes and it would be impossible to visit them all to kill himself.  Distraught, he has another epic deal with his good self Gabe, who clones himself to gain the upper hand and kill Yulaw once and for all.

(Prequel)  Working Girl II:  What the Term Really Means – Melanie Griffith as a prostitute before becoming a secretary at a finance firm.  C’mon… remember that scene where she tries on the underwear?  Watch it again and tell me I’m wrong about the origins of Tess McGill.

(Sequel) Groundhog Day II:  Arbor Day – After being married for 15 years, Phil and Rita have hit a rough spot.  While at a couple’s therapy retreat to make one last ditch effort to stay together, the day again repeats itself over and over again… only this time they both realize it.  After several hundred cycles of doing whatever they want, they find out they’re off as a triad with their new lover, Leslie.

(Sequel)  Love Actually II – Just make the same movie, but take out the blatantly sexist story line about the husband who gets caught wanting to boink his secretary.  You could also remove most of the story line about the woman hopelessly lusting after the cute graphics guy, but her brother is crazy so she can’t have her own life (yay love!).  Replace them with actual scenes inside the Wisconsin apartment and more hilarious “Rowan Atkinson is a guardian angel saving the day” moments.

(Prequel) Brokeback Mountain II:  Healthy Back Hill – Just release a fake trailer of this so I can watch heads explode.  Then show two hours of cowboys castrating cows.  Wait for Academy Award nominations.


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