I was recently challenged to write some short stories limited to 50 words. This is a common Internet writing exercise, so I accepted. Because the titles don’t count as part of the story, I decided to go with long and vague titles just to offset the shortness of the stories. Enjoy these four examples of my stellar prowess at fabrication.
WHY WOMEN SHOULDN’T ASK QUESTIONS TO WHICH THEY WON’T LIKE THE ANSWER
“I don’t understand why you don’t get along with my husband.” My only response was to take another sip of coffee. “You’re both Dominant, polyamorous jokers with delusions of grandeur. Why aren’t you two best friends?”
Espresso shot from her nose when I said, “He smells like old gym cheese.”
THE SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT THAT NO ONE REALLY TALKS ABOUT BUT IS SO OBVIOUS A POINT THAT I HAD TO MAKE IT
Her face was red and her fists dug deep into her waistline. “That is the stupidest comparison I’ve ever heard!”
“Give me a legitimate difference then.”
Flustered, she fumbled for a rebuttal until finally she spouted, “They’re just not the same!”
“If public breastfeeding is natural, so is public urination.”
NOT ALL ROMANCES END IN “HAPPY EVER AFTER” BUT THEY SHOULD STILL END AMICABLE WHENEVER POSSIBLE
Brenda’s eyes widened in surprise as Charlie walked into her store. He said, “I knew something was wrong during our last call. I love you. Please let me help with what’s bothering you.”
Brenda sobbed, “I’m in love with someone else.”
Charlie softly replied, “Oh. Well… do you validate parking?”
FOND MEMORIES THAT CANNOT HAPPEN AGAIN DUE TO A CULTURE OF OVERREACTION AND OVER-PROTECTION
My mom would bake delicious Christmas cookies when I was younger. Every December I would bring peppermint candy canes and vanilla wreathes with Red Hot candy garnishes to school and be treated like the almighty Savior Himself. I smiled every day at lunch.
Before the dark times… before “Gluten allergies.”