I am officially 40 years and 3 days old now.  I looked back at my blog entry from last year and couldn’t believe my eyes.  A list of things that I’m older than, with nary a hint of sadness or remorse, was immortalized by the 39-year-old me.  I must have been out of my blithering mind.  Guess that just shows the difference between having a 3 in front of your age and having a 4 in front of your age.  I’d rather eat some salty chocolate balls than be reminded of how many things in the world are younger than I am.  So with that spirit in mind, I’d like to just say one thing for my fortieth birthday:

Fuck you, Father Time!

I suppose any feelings of depression must be mitigated by the fact that I’m in better athletic shape than my birthday twin who is a decade younger.  He throws out a shoulder playing 2 on 2 basketball for 20 minutes.  My other thirty year old friend has a bum ankle and also collapsed post-game.  I may have been tired, but I was still standing.  The next day, I outperformed young and old alike in a family bowling tournament.  Granted, bowling is to true athletic endeavors as counting to ten is to trigonometry, but I still took a little pride in the achievement.  As I was bowling perhaps my best game in memory, earning a turkey for the first time in my life, all I could think was:

Fuck you, Father Time!

And the myth of a midlife crisis has to stop!  You can’t have a “midlife” crisis because you can’t know when exactly your life will end.  Therefore you can’t know when the middle of your life happens.  So really, when you’re buying that convertible and hitting on twenty year old college girls by flashing around your gold MasterCard, you’re really just being a douche-bag and using the excuse it’s because half your life is over.  For all I know, this is my last year – meaning I should have had a crisis when I was twenty.  Well, that would explain me begging for money in a dorm stairwell with a sign saying I was raped by Hilary Clinton, then offering massage to all the girls in the dorm for five bucks, and then hooking up with the hot chubby down the hallway for meaningless sex (although I think I ruined the “meaningless” part of it because we eventually got married – and she admits to using me for sex at the start as well, so don’t get all “high and mighty” feminists!).  But I still wouldn’t call that crazy time a midlife crisis… it was just an awesome time in my life.  And I’ll never get to have that time again… so…

Fuck you, Father Time!

And then the platitudes come into my mind.  “Live for today,” “Live each day as if it was your last,” and other bullshit sayings designed to make the passing of time seem more palatable.  No one lives as if this day was their last because what if it isn’t?  You can’t go out and spend all your money on a fantasy weekend at the Bunny Ranch because tomorrow you might need electricity to dry some clothes.  You can’t tell your boss what you really think of her because you might just need the income from that job for a few more years.  Living life to the fullest wouldn’t include sitting at a desk for eight hours, dealing with other people’s crap, and stressing over every little problem… unless you’re an obsessive workaholic who has somehow convinced herself that working constantly equals happiness and enjoyment.  Even for those maniacs, there aren’t enough hours in a day to live fully… so again…

Fuck you, Father Time!

But there’s nothing to be done about it.  I can rant and wail against the onslaught of traveling photons, and still it will move forward.  Tomorrow I’ll be 40 years old and 4 days, then 5 days, and eventually I’ll reach 41 years.  If I’m lucky, I’ll get to see 45, 50, 60, maybe even 70 years.  Family will die, and new family will be born.  Old memories will fade and then be forgotten, while new memories are hopefully made.  It is the inevitability of life.  There is only one cure for life, and I much prefer the staying alive option for now.  So consider this the last time I’ll whine about aging and time for the rest of eternity:

Fuck you, Father Time… and thank you for giving me more.

New Found Artist of the Week – Staying with a comic strip theme (because I’m a big geek who likes comics, alright?), why not give Legend of Bill a look.  If you’ve ever played D&D, or just like the fantasy genre, this comic is pretty clever and funny.  Maybe not, “Shoot milk out of your nose,” funny… but not too bad.

And if you know of an artist of any type that I might enjoy, please feel free to comment with a link.  Who knows what we can all find?

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