You got to hand it to Chevrolet – they can make a commercial. Seriously, it airs on television and everything. You must have seen it: same guy posed in front of a truck and car. The host asks questions about which guy would be better in a zombie apocalypse, or what kind of pet each guy would have. They asked these questions of real people, not actors. You know this because the voice-over guy says, “We asked real people, not actors,” while on the screen there is a sentence that reads, “Real people, not actors.” If they announce it twice in two different ways, it must be true!
One a side note: Is Chevy making the claim that actors aren’t real people?
All this rigmarole just to sell the 2015 Chevy Colorado, a truck that costs $1,000 per city mile per gallon the truck provides. But I don’t care about the truck. The mainstream American fascination with cars has always seemed absurd to me. We don’t have a love affair with our washing machines, and I think those have a much greater impact on an individual’s life than a car. Have you ever tried washing clothes by hand? Take away my car and I can still ride the bus, or a bicycle, or just walk. Hell, I can carpool with someone else.
No, what this commercial really does is once again divide us into a labeled group – Truck Guy versus Car Guy. I hate labels. They do nothing for us as a society except keep us separated. “Oh, you’re a Gay Republican Conservative Vegan? Well then I’m going to ignore everything you say because I’m a Straight Republican Moderate Vegetarian.” But even though I hate dividing people into little niche groups, I love making fun of those little niche groups. I’m not going to judge you because you’re a Christian iPhone Owner, but I’ll certainly make jokes about how fruit caused your fall from the Garden of Eden and now you’re repeating the mistake by purchasing a fruit-named company’s products made with near-slave labor overseas.
So without further build up, I give you my “Won’t see these Comparisons in the Commercial” table of facts. Enjoy!
|· Complains whenever someone asks him to help move, but eventually does it because he is promised beer||· Always willing to help someone move, but can only carry small boxes in back seat because his trunk is full of random crafting supplies|
|· Cheats on his wife with a much younger girl||· Cheats on his wife with a much older woman|
|· Claims he likes all music, but really only likes country songs he can cry to in private||· Claims he hates country music, but watches “The Voice” and constantly cheers for Team Blake|
|· Can’t tie his own shoes (for various reasons)||· Does not wear shoes with laces, but he can rock the sock/sandal combination|
|· Gets in a bar fight over his favorite football team||· Gets in a fight at a comic book convention over who was the most powerful member of the X-Men|
|· Brags about his towing capacity and never tows anything||· Brags about his gas mileage and his commute is about 10 miles long|
|· Thought to be secretly gay by his high school’s computer club||· Thought to be secretly gay by his high school’s drama club|
|· Likes pornography that focuses on a lady’s rear end||· Likes pornography to have a plot so he feels less guilty about watching|
|· Won’t ride in a car because “I’m a big guy and it’s too small”||· Won’t ride in a truck because “I don’t like having to jump up to get into one”|
Discovered Art of the Week: Kimchi Cuddles. A web comic dedicated to the often confusing world of non-traditional relationships. Being in a non-traditional relationship myself, I found it funny and informative. I wouldn’t say it’s the best drawn comic around, but the humor more than makes up for it. Check it out at kimchicuddles.com. You’ll either learn more about non-traditional people, or you’ll laugh as you recognize yourself in one of the comics!