You got to hand it to Chevrolet – they can make a commercial.  Seriously, it airs on television and everything.  You must have seen it:  same guy posed in front of a truck and car.  The host asks questions about which guy would be better in a zombie apocalypse, or what kind of pet each guy would have.  They asked these questions of real people, not actors.  You know this because the voice-over guy says, “We asked real people, not actors,” while on the screen there is a sentence that reads, “Real people, not actors.”  If they announce it twice in two different ways, it must be true!

One a side note:  Is Chevy making the claim that actors aren’t real people?

All this rigmarole just to sell the 2015 Chevy Colorado, a truck that costs $1,000 per city mile per gallon the truck provides.  But I don’t care about the truck.  The mainstream American fascination with cars has always seemed absurd to me.  We don’t have a love affair with our washing machines, and I think those have a much greater impact on an individual’s life than a car.  Have you ever tried washing clothes by hand?  Take away my car and I can still ride the bus, or a bicycle, or just walk.  Hell, I can carpool with someone else.

No, what this commercial really does is once again divide us into a labeled group – Truck Guy versus Car Guy.  I hate labels.  They do nothing for us as a society except keep us separated.  “Oh, you’re a Gay Republican Conservative Vegan?  Well then I’m going to ignore everything you say because I’m a Straight Republican Moderate Vegetarian.”  But even though I hate dividing people into little niche groups, I love making fun of those little niche groups.  I’m not going to judge you because you’re a Christian iPhone Owner, but I’ll certainly make jokes about how fruit caused your fall from the Garden of Eden and now you’re repeating the mistake by purchasing a fruit-named company’s products made with near-slave labor overseas.

So without further build up, I give you my “Won’t see these Comparisons in the Commercial”  table of facts.  Enjoy!

Truck Guy

Car Guy

·        Complains whenever someone asks him to help move, but eventually does it because he is promised beer ·        Always willing to help someone move, but can only carry small boxes in back seat because his trunk is full of random crafting supplies
·        Cheats on his wife with a much younger girl ·        Cheats on his wife with a much older woman
·        Claims he likes all music, but really only likes country songs he can cry to in private ·        Claims he hates country music, but watches “The Voice” and constantly cheers for Team Blake
·        Can’t tie his own shoes (for various reasons) ·        Does not wear shoes with laces, but he can rock the sock/sandal combination
·        Gets in a bar fight over his favorite football team ·        Gets in a fight at a comic book convention over who was the most powerful member of the X-Men
·        Brags about his towing capacity and never tows anything ·        Brags about his gas mileage and his commute is about 10 miles long
·        Thought to be secretly gay by his high school’s computer club ·        Thought to be secretly gay by his high school’s drama club
·        Likes pornography that focuses on a lady’s rear end ·        Likes pornography to have a plot so he feels less guilty about watching
·        Won’t ride in a car because “I’m a big guy and it’s too small” ·        Won’t ride in a truck because “I don’t like having to jump up to get into one”

Discovered Art of the Week:  Kimchi Cuddles.  A web comic dedicated to the often confusing world of non-traditional relationships.  Being in a non-traditional relationship myself, I found it funny and informative.  I wouldn’t say it’s the best drawn comic around, but the humor more than makes up for it.  Check it out at kimchicuddles.com.  You’ll either learn more about non-traditional people, or you’ll laugh as you recognize yourself in one of the comics!

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