Questioning the Questions

Could I master another language at my advanced age?  Have I even mastered English?  Do English orgies sound like a bunch of accountants giving each other praise for good figuring?  What’s a good figure on a man?  Does he need a six pack?  Why do beer and soda come in six packs?  How did the number six become so popular… six packs, six shooters, sixty-nine… is there a six conspiracy?  Is it because six is the closest number to sex?  Could a number make me feel number about sex?  Is anyone gonna get that pun on the first read?

Why am I polyamorous?  Is it learned or genetic?  If it’s learned, should I blame my mother or my father?  If it’s genetic, doesn’t that lead to the same question?  Why did they mix Greek and Latin roots anyways?  Why not call it multiamory or polyphilia?  Is the fact that it’s mixed roots symbolic of something inside the definition itself?  Do any other guys find it sexy when their lady’s roots start to show?  Isn’t that mix of hair dye and natural color a special kind of rare beauty, like seeing an albino tiger?  Is there an opposite to albino… like instead of a white tiger it’s a tiger that’s all black?  Would a black tiger eating a chicken be considered a racist image if there was an albino tiger also eating a chicken?  What about a tiger with red skin?

What is art?  Am I an artist for sketching and tracing nudes with Sharpies and colored pencils?  Why can’t you sharpen a Sharpie?  Why exactly does anyone use the sharpen function on photo editing programs?  Would a series of photos of my feet be art?  Should I paint my toenails if I take those pictures?  Why can’t you just use house paint instead of nail polish to paint your toes?  Is painting a house art?  When someone says she’s a painter, how do you know if she means the artsy kind of painter or the real estate type of painter?  Is that gender dependent, like do we assume a woman painter is artsy and a man painter is painting walls?  Is it weird that I find that painting relaxes me even though the word itself contains pain?  Am I secretly a masochist?

Why is living in a community considered better than living in a commune?  Aren’t they derived from the same base word?  How come nudists got stuck calling their area a colony instead of either community or commune?  Was the Garden of Eden a God-endorsed nudist colony?  If God made Adam and Eve nude, and Jesus forgave all sins, why aren’t Christians all walking around nude again?  Is walking only considered exercise because we’ve become so lazy that sitting down is our natural state?  Remember when people wanted their food to be all-natural?  Isn’t gluten all-natural?  So why is gluten now considered bad?  Should we maybe just stop worrying about what may or may not be bad for us and just get naked and eat doughnuts once in awhile?  Doesn’t that seem like what God wanted for us in the first place?


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