Let us assume this represents Bob’s emotional connection to the people around her. Bob has a pretty balanced existence in the sense she likes the same number of people she dislikes, loves the same number of people she hates, and is mostly neutral to a large segment of the public. More concretely, Bob probably loves her family and a few close friends, likes some co-workers and lesser friends, and is politely ambivalent to the majority of business associates or customer service people she interacts with. She dislikes some of her co-workers and neighbors, and really hates a few people who have hurt her or have shown a disregard for whatever morality Bob holds dear.
So what would my bar look like? Probably something like this:
I am much more ambivalent about people. I am much less likely to dislike or hate anyone, because I do not see the point in spending that much energy on negativity. What most people find shocking is how few people I actually like. Odds are I either love you, or don’t care either way. I realized this when a new co-worker asked me how often I hung out with the team outside of work and my response was, “Never.” The few co-workers I like… well, I will admit that if I talked to them outside of work I would start to put them into the love category (because they are both so darn cute and funny, I just want to nibble on their nipples!). That would probably cause problems.
I kind of need this job.
This also jogged a thoughtful debate about whether you can dislike someone you love. People often say things like that, especially about family. “Well I really can’t stand being around him, but he’s my brother so I love him.” Do you really love him? Or do you have some sense of obligation to love him? And if there’s an obligation, is it really love? Really dive deep into that rabbit hole and most people would start to drown or simply swim back up to the surface and deny even looking into the depths.
Do people really love their kids? Or is it just an innate biological obligation?
Is romantic love just a biological obligation to procreate?
Am I obligated to love myself, or do I have to earn my own love?
How do you earn love without obligations or mandates or expectations?
Is conditional love AND unconditional love both possible, or is one an oxymoron?
Which one?
Is all love just an illusion to fight off the inevitable loneliness of non-existence?
Did Joanie really love Chachi?
Were Brain and Pinky really lovers and that’s why Pinky kept messing up the plans to take over the world because he thought if Brain finally succeeded their love would end and Pinky would be alone in a world hell-bent on crushing any spark of creativity or joy?
Do kiss-face emojis imply a secret desire?
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me… why am I singing a terrible song?
And now, whenever that new co-worker asks me about myself, I make up completely random things. Which he chooses to believe. I do not do this because I hate him or dislike him, but because I really do not care one way or the other. Whatever he ends up thinking about me will not move me from my spot in the universe. I love it in my spot. It is my spot.
Then again, maybe I just feel obligated to be in this spot…
WTF Press 